give

I just recently came back from volunteering at Camp Trillium. Amazing. This entry is by no means an advertisement, but believe me, if you want to do something worthwhile, fun and rewarding, volunteer at this camp. There are so many great memories that I wouldn’t have been able to capture on camera. There are so many moments I wouldn’t ever be able to recreate during any other life experience. That place is truly one of a kind.

Of course, what really makes it one of a kind is the people. The staff, the parents and the kids. If there’s one word to sum up my week, it’d be “give.” Why? It’s amazing to see what people can give of themselves to a common cause: increasing the quality of life of kids affected by cancer. Most of the staff are unbelievers and to see them be so selfless in giving up their whole person to this cause really gets me thinking. What am I doing to better the lives of those around me? How am I blessing others with what God has blessed me? If I am rich, do I give to the poor? If I have strength, do I help those who are weak? If I have a healthy, cancer-free body, am I caring for those laden with sickness? In some ways, my experience at Camp Trillium has solidified my passion for pursuing a career in medicine to join in the alleviation of sickness in the ailing.

The staff at Camp Trillium live by an “all for the kids” mindset. If the kid wanted them to jump into the lake with all their clothes on, they do it, not because it’s the smartest thing in the world to do, but because it would bring the kids joy. Could I say the same? Let’s be honest. If they asked me? “Wait…HOLD ON. That means I gotta trudge all the way back to the cabin with wet clothes, change, lay them out to dry and walk all the way back?” Serious?

Throughout the camp I realized that kind of mindset is exactly what inhibits us from giving of ourselves. The idea that I have a certain image to uphold – “I can’t be seen wet with all my clothes on, that looks stupid.” Okay, bad example…but you get the jist. Or okay, well, what’s more is that my 15 minutes of discomfort in wet clothes is more important than the kid’s happy memories. That disgusts me; how could I have thought that? But I guess we always get caught up with ourselves at some point or another…we have to keep breaking free of ourselves to give of ourselves. You can’t give yourself if you’re holding on so tightly to your own comforts or your pride.

As I mentioned earlier, most of the staff were non-believers. Well how about those of us who are believers? Think about the strength, joy, peace and hope we can give those around us through the faith we have in God. The Christian life is about the giving of yourself to the purposes of God – even if it may be bringing joy to a kid by sacrificing your time and energy to just give them a fun week despite their daily chemo treatments. God reminds us that:

“Which of you, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? ¹¹If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him! [Matt 7:9-10]

If non-believers are able to give so much of themselves to these kids, how much more can we give, being blessed by the Giver of good things? And by the way, you can’t receive if your hand is grasped tight on what you have…you have to give away what you have so you can have an open hand to receive more. So let go.

family

This is a rather odd circumstance to find myself writing. I have the funniest combination of emotions welling up within me at the moment and all of them attest that “the joy of the Lord is my strength.”

It’s 2:45 AM on a weekday; yes, I have to work tomorrow, but God has allowed me to stay home to work — a providence of time and rest. And it’s at the kitchen at this insane time of night that I find joy and peace and blessing through my family.

My essay is due on Wednesday, and for the longest time I was worried and unable to get myself motivated to work. Even when I was motivated, I had writer’s block and even when I didn’t have writer’s block, I had no time. What’s up with these chain of events that deterred me from completing my work? I took out my frustrations upon my family, as I often do, because they are, well, family.

They are those wonderful people that you have many a fight with, but still love. They are those individuals that you hold dear to your life though you may not always express it. They are the blessings from God who have shaped your very person and know you inside out though you put up a front to the world. And its my family that God has shown me His love and support through; it’s through my family that He gave me peace and joy despite this blasted essay which is still far from completion.

I don’t know what my sister and mother were doing up at 2:45 AM, but I was working. I do know, that we all became quite hungry and they decided to cook some clam chowder. I worked away as they talked over the boiling soup and I decided I needed a break. I got up and paid them a visit only to find them scrambling about the kitchen and laughing like two patients who just came out of a room of laughing gas. Laughter is contagious, I tell you. I had no idea what they were laughing so hard at and I began to laugh at them laughing who were probably laughing at each other laughing. On the floor my sister rolled slain by humour. My mom was quite the sight too. I really couldn’t understand but I just kept laughing anyway and to augment the already hysterical situation, my mom did the oddest things. She kept trying to distract me and do silly things as if she were a clown and I were an easily amused toddler. Indeed, I was and her clownship was victorious. I went down to the floor laughing as well, and we all agreed that we couldn’t remember the last time we laughed so hard with each other – or at each other.

Well, turns out my mom’s clown act was to hide the fact that my dad, mom and sister had signed a card for me with encouraging words. They knew my life had been torture for the last few days and weeks and instead of letting my complaining annoy them into ignoring me, they accepted my struggles and weakness and decided to run alongside me with these words of encouragement. How blessed I am to have such awesome support and understanding from the ones I’ve plagued with my incessant worrying.

Among the encouragements, my dad, a man of wisdom (and many questions), picked a most appropriate verse. The card he chose saying, “Our strength may fail, but our God will not.” already brought me joy and tears welled up behind eyes, though I had not yet released them. He made reference to the tough competition for medical schools and reminded me from Ecclesiastes 10:11:

“I have seen something else under the sun: The race is not to the swift or the battle to the strong, nor does food come to the wise or wealth to the brilliant or favour to the learned; but time and chance happen to them all.”

Indeed, who is to know what is to happen except God and I am fully satisfied knowing that He is the only one who knows. It makes surprises like these bizarre events that much more of a blessing than they already are and He shows you that He knows what’s best for you at what time – even at 2:45 AM on a weekday night, er, morning.

Over this past weekend, I let go of my worries about the essay and decided to work my best for God, despite the outcome. Oh, the goodness of God when you abandon yourself entirely for Him and to His providence. He is faithful throughout all circumstances.

Back at the kitchen, I left after devouring my chowder; I didn’t feel like making a scene crying from joy in front of them, but my eyes began to water as I sat down and began to write this post. If you, my family, read this, know that this random small act of kindness has gone a long way, more than I can show, and that I love you each dearly.

Thank you and Thank You.

fragility

It’s been a good 3 months or so. I guess I was either uninspired or inspired and too busy.

But, I’ve got some time now, since I was resting and trying to recover…for the whole week. I don’t know what came over me, but on Monday I had a fever and all these nasty symptoms. Those went away in a night and I was good to go for Tuesday.

What I didn’t expect…was to wake up at 3:45 AM on Tuesday and have a sore throat that far surpassed any sore throat pain I’ve ever had. I was feeling at my prime just before bed but I knew that this sore throat was not going to be dealt with easily. I was right. The next few days I would spend at home, barely speaking, eating congee, drinking copious amounts of water, visiting the washroom four to five times within an hour, swallowing pills and supplements and wishing I could just die. Okay, I exaggerate. But it was bad.

Throughout the days, I tried my best not to complain and to cope with the pain. I did as much work as possible and kept in touch with my boss at work. He said I couldn’t go in for risk of infecting others and being further infected. Fair enough. I guess I felt a little useless the last few days, but I did what I could. It’s amazing how just a tiny part of your body can impede you in so many ways. Some people don’t seem to think it’s a big deal…a bad sore throat…so what? But for those who sympathize, it also means you can barely eat, talk or do anything without having to drink water every 10 seconds. Some people would be glad to have had the time off work. I’d rather work 12-hour shifts than have this pain.

I was telling my family that this is the worst pain I’ve ever had in my life — no exaggeration there. I’ve never had any traumatic illnesses or injuries like breaking bones or whatever, but this far surpasses whatever I’ve gone through. Swallowing alone hurts so much that the pain spreads to my ears and causes them to ache. And, the other day I bit my lip and now I have an open wound on the inside of my mouth. Boy, I really am fragile.

If there’s one thing I’ve learned from this, it’s that. Life is but a vapour in the wind, here today and gone tomorrow. My health can be sapped at anytime from me, especially at the most unexpecting moments. Who would’ve thought that recovering from a fever, severe headache and aching bones would lead to a killer sore throat the next day? This uncertainty is unsettling, but I’m glad I’ve found a Constant to hold on to.

Don’t get me wrong…I’ve been complaining and questioning; afterall, I’m only human. But more than that, I’ve been praying. I’ve been trying to remain joyful and see my situation from God’s eyes. I’ve already asked Him why and when I’d get better. He’s said, “Not yet.” I think He’s trying me, seeing if I would remain faithful to Him despite this unbearable physical pain. He’s asking me, “Where are you seeking your peace? Where does your joy come from?” Not from myself, my family or friends, but from God, whose Son suffered physical pain an infinite amount of times greater than I have. I’m comforted knowing that He IS in control. But I will continue, in petition, to ask Him to remove this pain from me. I don’t ask with a complaining attitude or in a whining voice. I ask Him to give me peace in my situation and that He would take it away when He thinks is right. Not my will but His be done, and I will ask in earnest until His will IS done. Perhaps that’s until He’s decided that this sore throat has somehow made me more like His Son.

In any case, I wanted to remind all of you, and myself, just how fragile we are. We are but dust, from it we came and to it we will return. Instead, invest what you can in the Unchanging God and find blessings and peace come over you despite your uncertainties. Put your hope in the Lord and you will not be disappointed. Who is your rock? Your fortress?

“For my hope is from Him. He only is my rock and my salvation, My stronghold; I shall not be shaken. On God my salvation and my glory rest; The rock of my strength, my refuge is in God.”

Psalm 62:5-7

By the way, I updated my pictures. Enjoy .

death

I think it’s really easy for us to identify with Christ in His death. Well, yes and no. Let me explain.

If we are talking about Christ’s death on the cross and how we need to take up our cross like He did, then it gets hard to die to ourselves. However, if we’re talking about our everyday lives and seeing US live and HIM die; then it’s easy to identify with His death. Afterall, that’s what our human nature does: more of me and less of Him.

Everytime we choose to exalt ourselves over Him, then His life force in us decreases. Thankfully, the opposite is true: when we choose to exalt Him over oursleves, His life force in us increases. If we die, He lives. If He dies, we live.

And yet there is this incredible paradox about us dying and Him living. He said that anyone who loses his life for His sake will find it. It’s weird how dying to ourselves results in us living again…but this time, in Him. The same can be said about Him dying and us living…there’s a paradox. If He dies and we live; we are actually living in death because we live in sin because the “wages of sin is death.”

It seems that it’s always a common theme in His word. This whole sequence of dying to live. Noah, being the only righteous man living, has everything around Him die in a great flood, only to see life grow again by God’s covenant. Jesus, having lived, dies for us and rises in three days to give us eternal life. And this is even in nature: a seed falls to the ground from a living tree, only to die in order to produce another tree. Can’t we see that God intends for us to die to those things which are not of Him in order to truly experience what life is?

If you ask me what is the hardest lesson to learn when in a dating relationship, I’ll tell you this: “her first, not yourself.” There are so many times when I get selfish and expect things from Erin that I shouldn’t expect. Or, there are times when we both want to do different things at the same time and I choose my own activity. The point is, Jesus tells us to consider others better than ourselves and to serve joyfully and humbly without grumbling or complaints. I guess this expands to more than a dating relationship; it applies to any relationship really. It’s hard and before we can do that for other people, we need to first make sure we, inside, are dead such that Christ is living.

In the end, the product looks like this:

²⁰I eagerly expect and hope that I will in no way be ashamed, but will have sufficient courage so that now as always Christ will be exalted in my body, whether by life or by death. ²¹For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain.

Philippians 2:20-21

In both life and death there is profit, because our life is entirely not ours. Since now both life and death belong to Christ and are identified with Christ, both life and death are great. At this point, we’ll struggle with what Paul asked: should I live or should I die then? For me, that’s for God to decide, not me, so I’ll keep living until He takes me home.

fear

So I’m running for next year’s Asian Christian Fellowship executive committee in the role of president. I had to write up a vision statement and after writing it, I felt it was something I wanted to post here, hopefully to encourage someone whose learning about fearing God like I am. Here it is:

Hey everyone, thank you for giving me the opportunity to stand before you as a nominee for ACF President for next year. I’m glad that I have this time to speak to you guys today. Firstly, I must say I miss a lot of you guys because I feel I haven’t been here in a long time…four weeks to be exact…so it’s good to see you all. Secondly, I wanted to tell you guys about my struggle to decide running. Like last year, I was trying to look at this nomination from every aspect: my passion, time and energy, conflicts with school, etc. As many of you know, I am hoping to receive entry into medical school at some time. This year I didn’t make it to 3 of the 4 I’ve applied for; however, I still may have a chance for the last school and I have not yet heard back. I want to be honest to tell you that because I believe this is where God will be leading me later on in life, I would take the opportunity if it comes.

In some ways, this opens up the can of worms to more broadly state that at certain moments there are times when other things, such as school in my case, may be more important than ACF and in other situations, ACF will take precedence. What I’m trying to say is that I believe that a strong balance in doing your best in your service in fellowship is important but also that doing your best in your school work is equally important because we are firstly here placed as students. I am not advocating that we all have to become students with A’s all the time. I am saying that whatever level of academic excellence that God has gifted you with should be used to its full potential. Now, on the other end, God also demands from us excellence in serving Him by serving ACF, our churches and most importantly, serving the non-believers around us. This leads me to the question…how in the world do we find that balance that God is asking of us? How do we fully utilize our God-given gifts, time and energy in our work, play, service, etc.?

I’ve been reading one Psalm a day on top of my normal devotional time and I’ve found it to be a great encouragement and also a great source of wisdom. David is so real in the way he describes the human struggle of learning to live and trust in God. I’ve come across the phrase “the fear of the Lord” so many times and it seems I don’t have a great grasp on what that actually means and I’d like to look into it more next year. However, I have thought about it a bit and in particular, how it answers the question earlier about how to see God’s spirit maximized in our life and service.

Firstly, the fear of the Lord, as Psalm 111:10 tells us that the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom and people who follow Him have good understanding. I read up on King Solomon when he asked the Lord for wisdom and later that day used his great discernment to settle the dispute between two quarrelling women. I was amazed at the way he handled such a sticky situation and thought that having wisdom to guide the way we live is such a crucial way to getting a good balance in life. Discernment about what the right thing to do at the right time or how to guard our time and energy for important things…this stems from the fear of the Lord.

Secondly, the fear of the Lord, as Psalm 34:9-10 tells us, satisfies us and makes us have no want of any good thing. This reminds me also of Psalm 23 when it talks about God, our Shepherd, leading us by still waters and green pastures. It says to me that we are to rest and be still before God, because what other good thing can be better than being in God’s presence? I believe that this is important to our ministry and work as we learn to take time to recharge and draw our source of love, faith and energy from an unlimited God.

Thirdly, the fear of the Lord, as Psalm 25:12 tell us is having the Lord instruct him in the way he should live. This is perhaps the most important and most relatable to our fellowship. What good is it if we profess with our mouths to be followers of God but not live righteously before our God and before others? Having instruction in the truth as a result of fearing God is a direct way to helping us live more like Christ.

In conclusion, what I hope for ACF is to learn together about how fearing the Lord, both individually and corporately, will bring about a place of rest and acceptance for believers and non-believers alike, where people will be loved and cared for and hopefully a place where lives can be transformed for the glory of God. ACF is but one of God’s houses in His Kingdom, may we joyfully open the doors to all those who are weary in life.

That is all.

listen

The other day I was at the dentist and as the dental assistant was cleaning my teeth, she commented on how small my mouth was.

An odd observation…for me anyway. Probably not for her, because she looks at mouths all day. The point is, I came home and went to the washroom and just stared at the mirror for a bit. Instead of shooting a wink and saying, “Hey there, handsome,” or “Lookin’ good my man,” I just noticed the size of my ears in comparison to my mouth.

I always knew I had big ears. My mom called me “Dumbo” just like how Dumbo the elephant had big ears that let him fly in the Disney movie. Wish I could fly. Oops, off topic. So yes, I have big ears and a small mouth. I’m thinking…it’s God’s way of telling me I should shut up sometimes and really take time to listen. People say there’s a reason why God gave you two ears and one mouth; I say there’s a reason why He made my ears big and my mouth small. Listen.

The other day we were at a restaurant eating. My sister and dad happened to get onto a heated argument that they had previously settled and recently rekindled. As the level of misunderstanding rose, the level of talking rose, which triggered also a rise in volume and anger levels and finally the ultimate finisher of all fights, “Forget it.” I hate when people say that. It means that people couldn’t let down even a bit of their own pride to find out maybe they’re not always right. It means that people would rather not understand without first being understood. It means that people weren’t able to first listen before speaking.

So that’s a scenario where our relationships break down as a result of our inability to listen to each other. It can be bad. But even more so, we should really look at whether we’re honing in to God’s words for us everyday. Oswald Chambers was talking about how when God speaks, He really doesn’t use fancy language or methods. He likes to use the everyday common things, the nature around us, the conversations we have with our friends, the words we read in our Bible. He likes to use the whisper that we so faintly hear because we’re so caught up with ourselves. Check this out:

1 Kings 19:11-13

¹¹ The LORD said, “Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the LORD, for the LORD is about to pass by.” Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the LORD, but the LORD was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the LORD was not in the earthquake. ¹² After the earthquake came a fire, but the LORD was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper. ¹³ When Elijah heard it, he pulled his cloak over his face and went out and stood at the mouth of the cave. Then a voice said to him, “What are you doing here, Elijah?”

I like how God told Elijah that He was coming by to talk to him and He sends all these amazing signs and yet Elijah didn’t hide his face with his cloak until the gentle whisper. I like how He likes to challenge us to leave behind those distractions so we can hear His still, small voice. When I read this the other day, I was reminded about how God likes to talk to us. He wants only the people that are willing to lay behind their own lives to take up His, to hear His instructions and direction.   I’m wondering to myself now about how many times I would’ve heard the Lord’s voice had I been still and listened.

For those of you seeking direction like I am, my best encouragement to you is to open up your ears, eyes, mind and heart to the simplest of things…because that’s where God likes to commune with you. I’ve found for myself the trouble I have with keeping my mind off myself and onto God’s words. It’s hard to sit and listen when there is so much going on in your life. But find that place and time when you can be still and truly let go of your preoccupations and you will find that His word “aptly spoken is like apples of gold in settlings of silver.” (Proverbs 25:11).

Note to self: be slow to speak and quick to listen.

joy

Been a long time since I last wrote. I’m actually not in the writing mood, but I think writing what I’ll write today will help keep me accountable.

It’s interesting when a word can be expressed so well by itself. I don’t mean like an onomatopoeia but when the letters of the word can be used to define the word, that’s pretty cool.

“Joy” is exactly that word. I’ll explain a little later.

I wanted to talk about joy because I feel it’s something I lack these days. I feel like it’s something that I can’t quite take a grasp of yet or something that I know about and perhaps experienced at one point but lost it somehow. I didn’t know how or why I lost it and for the last few days, it’s been tough and burdensome. Well, it still is at this time, but I think I’m on the verge of turning the tides again.

I was studying yesterday, in this crummy mood, and I just couldn’t concentrate. Things came into my mind that were unsettling and discouraging. A lot of “self” words came into my mind. Self-worth. Self-confidence. Self-pity. It seemed as if I was distracted from my work because I was thinking about all those “self” things. I was thinking about how to best serve my wants and plans.

You see, for some reason, I just kept telling myself I’m worth less because I somehow think I’m doing poorly in managing my time, work and involvements. I tried self-confidence to fix it. I told myself that I could handle it myself or that the onus was on me and I had something to prove to people: “My name is Brian Yau and I’m able to do everything.” And when that clearly didn’t work out, I guess I’d wallow in self-pity (not to mention that I was sick…all the more reason to pity myself). It became a cycle of…self-directed-selfish-self-serving-self…what’s the word…self-addiction.

So joy. Joy is this thing, that comes around when there is less of “me.”  Yesterday when I was studying and got into this “self-mode”, it bothered me so much that I had to stop what I was doing and just sit there. I talked to Erin for a bit, read an encouraging e-mail from my dad (thanks, dad), and then I went to the washroom. I had a mini-revelation. Or rather, a reminder. In the washroom? Yes, in the washroom.

I don’t know why, maybe it was God trying to remind me of something, but my mind flipped back to highschool. My Christian highschool gave us an agenda each year with a slew of rules and regulations listed in the first few pages of the school-planner. I remember reading through them, just for kicks…or maybe I got bored during the chapel session. But one thing has stuck with my memory. That is, “J.O.Y.”

About “joy” defining itself…I guess it’s more of an acronym definition. J.O.Y. stood for Jesus, Others, You. Here in this word order are elements we should pay close attention to. Firstly, the sequence is with Jesus coming first, others second and yourself last. I do recall Jesus’ only two commandments being for us to first love Jesus with all our mind, soul and strength and secondly to love others as ourselves. I find joy comes to those who put Jesus first and others second and themselves last. If it was ourselves first, we would never be satisfied and we would always fall short of what we want. If it was Jesus first, He, who is abundantly able to more than we could ever wish or imagine for, will provide for us, strengthen us and bring us to a path of purpose. In other words, I can’t do it by myself…and I’ve realized that for a long time now, but seriously…isn’t it hard not to be self-sufficient? It sure is if you’re relying on yourself for strength — see Philippians 4:13.

The second thing to notice about that acronym is that “You” still comes in the equation even though it’s not first. Why that’s important is that it shows that being joyful doesn’t just mean loving Jesus first and others second; it also means we, ourselves, need love. Loving yourself is not the same as self-love. Self-love is vain, empty and prideful. Loving yourself is giving the proper respect and honour to your own person – body, mind, soul – because God has made you the way He made you. If you really think about it, accepting that  you are a loved creation should give you joy.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that if any of you are struggling with finding joy in living like I am, I’ve found that the key to a joyful life isn’t in ourselves, but up above. I woke up today, saying, “Jesus first,” in my mind. It’s helped me stay positive, or at least helped me more effectively battle the negative thoughts. Why?

It’s because by saying, “Jesus first,” we devote ourselves to living for something more grand than ourselves. “Jesus first,” means living a life of purpose that gives us joy when we accomplish what God sets out for us to do each day.  “Jesus first ” means we don’t have to question our self-worth because our worth is in Christ. “Jesus first” means our self-confidence is not in our own flesh, but in the  power and providence of the Holy Spirit.  “Jesus first” means that we don’t have to deal with self-pity, because our focus is not on ourselves but on things above. All these things, contribute to living a joyful life in the light of our God.

Dying to yourself is probably the hardest part of the Christian walk. I’m still learning this and trying to say “Jesus first” in my mind at all times.

Self-addiction.

It’s an ongoing battle, but be joyful for the war is won.

honour

The Tale of Despereaux.
Simply an amazing tale of courage, honour, chivalry and integrity.

Besides the cute mouse with humongous ears and an extra small body, the story boasts lessons for us to learn. At least for me anyway. The story starts with Despereaux, a mouse born abnormally compared to the other mice of Mouseville. Most mice are taught to cower at the sight of a cat; Despereaux curiously draws pictures of cats on his notebooks. Most mice are taught to avoid interaction with humans or else face exile; Despereaux befriends and falls in love with a human princess causing his own exile. Most mice are taught to avoid cheese on a mousetrap; Despereaux valiantly conquers each to enjoy his morsel of cheese as a reward. Finally, most mice are banned to read; Despereaux loved the library and read a story that changed his life. It was a story about honour and courage.

He became so intrigued with honour and courage because it was everything contrary to his mouse-teachings. One day, he found the princess in a saddened state due to some complications with rats and soup and her mother’s death (you’d have to watch it) earlier in the story. After talking to her, he told her of the book he was reading, and how it had inspired him to be the honourable knight to save a princess. He made her laugh and she challenged him to keep on his noble quest to save the princess, which ironically, is acutally her at the end of the show.

Juxtaposed with this character, is a rat, Escurro; the rat that dropped into the soup of the queen and caused her a heart attack. He is a good rat, unlike the other barbaric ones…and all he longed for was to desperately apologize. He was never given a chance however, because the king had outlawed rats in the kingdom due to the mishap with the queen. He and Despereaux meet and the little mice confronts and encourages his rodent friend to apologize. He finally meets the princess, but the princess is so disgusted at his presence that she even tries to whack him dead. Angry that his attempt to apologize was not accepted, he turned to take his revenge and hand her over to the barbaric rats where they would torture and eventually eat her.

It comes down, in the end, to the heroics, courage and honour of Despereaux and the strength of forgiveness to turn Escurro around to deliver the princess from the rats’ voracious appetite. Despereaux had always been the symbol of honour – an unwavering beacon of light and hope to the princess. Escurro, though having compromised his honour at one point, learned the power of forgiveness (the princess had forgiven him) to grant him back his honour to fight for what he believed in: peace between rodent and human.

I just did a lot of story-telling to get across one point, but I thought maybe I’d entertain you while telling you what I’ve been thinking about lately. Honour is adherence to what is right or to a conventional standard of conduct, which for me, is the Bible and God’s way of life. Watching that little mice run around…seeing him toil, press himself and even fight for his cause, the princess’ happiness…reminded me of the life of righteousness that I must toil for, press on and even fight for. As I said, Despereaux was always the character of hope throughout the story; he was one mouse: exiled, smaller than other mice, picked on by the rats and even came close to death. However, he was also the mouse: honoruable, courageous, true to his promise (to the princess) and ready to risk his life for what he believed in. I want that kind of life…the life that adheres to the very words and promises of God to live righteously by faith. I want the kind of life that is ready to risk my life to stay true and honoruable before my God.

And what happens when we fail? Like for Escurro, there is hope to become honoruable again even though we’ve turned away. At the point when Escurro turns from his want of revenge to his want to save the princess, the narrator says, “there is something greater than the power of revenge [and might I add, guilt, doubt, anger, sin...], and that is the power of forgiveness.” The princess had made eye contact with Escurro right before Escurro gave the order for the rats to begin their royal feast. The forgiveness in her eyes spoke volumes to him; enough to remind him that he was not a barbaric rat…he was an honourable rat and he needed to save her, not kill her. Similarly for us, sometimes, we beat ourselves because of our sin, saying that we’ve lost ourselves to it. We no longer have the honour or right to be called the sons and daughters of God.

1 John 1:9 says, “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.”

Did you catch that? All unrighteousness. All.

This means, that sometimes, all we need to do is look up at our God, look into his eyes of love, grace and forgiveness and be reminded that when Jesus was slain on Calvary, He died for our the sins that we’ve committed, are being committed and will be committed. It also means that we have the victory over sin, to regain the honour to be His sons and daughters again. It means we are empowered to not only deny sin, but choose what is right, true and worthy of Him.

The Tale of Desperaux.
A fun story, with lots of meaning.
Go and watch it.

And don’t mind my horrible writing today, I am way too tired to be blogging, but I wanted to get it out of my system.

fun

It’s been quite awhile since I wrote last. My excuse is vacation.

I had a great time with my cousins and family members…all the snow, all the food, all the drinks…all the sleep.
In a nutshell, our days went like this: skiing, a late turkey dinner (we had an amazing sleep thanks to all that tryptophan), sleeping and waking up late, a huge breakfast, some skiing, a break for lunch, some more skiing and a prime rib roast, three intense rounds of Cranium and finally a well deserved sleep at 4AM. I forgot to mention the numerous bottles of wine we shared…we found reason to “cheers” every two minutes. It was fun.

It was also fun seeing Vince get an O.D. on turkey and to see everyone expand their stomachs ten-fold to fit the ginormous “American-level” portions of food. We left no plate unfinished and no stomach unfilled. Everyone was at maximum…super-maximum capacity…and loving it.

So I think you get the idea by this time: I had fun.

Let’s talk about enjoying life…about being able to enjoy life…about having fun and being able to have fun. I’ve never been sick or injured to the point that I couldn’t enjoy being alive. Okay, I lie. When I have a cold and can’t smell or taste food…I feel like I’m half-dead already. But in all seriousness, my complaint is miniscule compared to some of those who’ve been through the fire. I hardly consider all the things I take for granted — all the parts of my health and well-being that allow me to enjoy living life.

There are a few things that have prompted me to think about this concept lately. I guess first, it’s my brother, who recently attended a seminar about entrepreneurship. A lot of the keynote speakers and CEO’s he met talked about this idea about the different generations and this generation’s idea of the “the new rich.” I don’t know if I have all the details correct, but at least this is what I gather: our grandfather’s generation worked to survive, our father’s generation worked to pave the way for us and our generation needs to work to pave the way for others. It’s because our parents have done their job, worked long hours and supported us financially that we are now empowered to live the way we do. Where did the very clothes on my back or the laptop I’m typing on now come from? Them. And they were able to start providing for us because our grandparents lived to survive. In other words…I’m enjoying my life as it is and can seek out “the new rich” because they’ve helped in the process.What is “the new rich?” For our parents and grandparents, it was a lot of money and maybe prestige. For us, we value the power of being a commoner with a mission…a goal…and time and energy to complete it. That is the new rich. That is the kind of enjoyment of life I’m talking about. This is about enjoying life.

How about being able to enjoy life? It was my dad who sparked my mind to comment on this. We were at dinner and he was talking about his slow recovery from this relapse of depression. He said he was almost out…he could feel it. He felt alive because the Peking duck we were eating actually tasted good to him. And I’m not joking. He recalls a previous instance that we came to the same restaurant for Peking duck. He recalls trying to force himself to enjoy it and relish in the time spent together as a family…and he couldn’t. He remembers the time when he found himself unable to love or have feelings to anyone – to God, to his family, to his friends, to anything or anyone. He’s reading a book talking about a psychologist who was ironically inflicted with manic depression and her episodes of relapses. He perfectly identifies with her when she said the disease in her mind was so severe, she was unable to do anything: even kill herself (not that he wanted to).

As my dad went on about this time’s recovery, he mentioned the most important treatment he received. It was the idea of God’s sovereignty and His sheer goodness and perfect will. It was the idea of being empowered to do anything or love anyone simply because He allowed it to be so. It was the idea of enjoying what you have with whom there is because God wanted it to be so. He quoted Ecclesiastes 9:

” 7 Go, eat your food with gladness, and drink your wine with a joyful heart, for it is now that God favors what you do. 8 Always be clothed in white, and always anoint your head with oil. 9 Enjoy life with your wife, whom you love, all the days of this meaningless life that God has given you under the sun— all your meaningless days. For this is your lot in life and in your toilsome labor under the sun. 10 Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with all your might, for in the grave, where you are going, there is neither working nor planning nor knowledge nor wisdom.”

What is he saying? He’s saying that God has given you this lot – your life, your portions, your relationships, your careers, everything and because He’s planned it to be so, He wants you to enjoy it and He is enabling you to do so. It is in His favour that you are to eat your food with gladness (as my dad with his Peking duck) and drink wine with a joyful heart (as my family did with our six now empty bottles of wine). Whatever your hand finds to do, whatever your mission in life is, complete it to the utmost and to the best of your ability. Enjoy your life simply because God has allowed you to do so. My dad has learned not to take for granted even being able to enjoy a good meal; he knows his taste buds are working because God wants them to. Nothing we do is by chance and nothing we do is not goverened by God’s sovereignty.

So have fun with life; work hard…play hard and make the most of your opportunities. “The new rich” means we don’t have to become the rich and famous; it means we actually spend life enjoying the short moments we have. It’s premise is that we stand in appreciation for the very fact that God has allowed us to enjoy life. That’s why we should have fun.

prayer

The Devil wakes up one morning in his underworld palace king-sized bed.
His teeth are chattering, his body shivering and he breathes smoke from his mouth as he jumps out of bed.

The smoke isn’t from breathing fire – it’s bloody cold.

He yells angrily, “Jeffery, what happened! It’s freezing!” while walking towards the lesser devil. Jeffery, wrapped up in his own blanket, is staring up at the television set and replies, “Capital One happened, sir!” He talks about all of the benefits of their new hassle-free “rewards card” and the Devil in turn complains about not being able to enjoy smores. Too bad.

It was a cold day in hell when they pulled that rewards card into play.
And I tell you now…it’s a cold day in hell everyday we decide to pray.

I think this will be the last entry for the “exam series.” It’s done and done with, so I probably won’t talk about exams again until the next time they roll around. But I wanted to talk about another distinguishing moment during this adventurous exam period.
I don’t think I’ve ever experienced a quicker answer to prayer. I was preparing to leave to write my second exam, the cursed “GPA-dropper” course: Cellular Physiology. I studied long and hard hours already and was ready to take on this bad boy. I knew it’d be tricky, so I’d need every mark I could possibly get…including the calculation questions.

I set out from my house thinking to myself as I walked to the examination room. Pencil…check. Eraser…check. Highlighter…check. Pen…check. Student ID card…check. Water bottle…check. Calculator…not check. By this time…I was already outside the exam room with 8 minutes before the start of cellular doom. Run home and come back? Not likely. Hope there were no calculation questions? Not likely. But I prayed and asked God to either make no calculation questions appear or give me a calculator.

He did the latter. It was better that He did the latter because I saw His providence at work. Again.

My good friend Sam, who I always say has “saved my butt” probably a million times…did it again. I walk around the room and found him standing amongst others awaiting to write the exam. I sheepishly told him, “I can’t believe I forgot my calculator…” He simply reaches inside his bag and pulls one out and hands it to me. What? It’s like calculators, not money, grow on trees. Where did he? What? I came back to my senses. “Thanks man, but don’t you need one too?” You see he’s a math whiz, so I thought he was just being nice and he was going to suffer using mental arithmetic to figure out the Nernst equation questions. Although I’m sure he could’ve done it, he says, “Don’t worry, I have my own.” Why did he have two? Where did that second one come from? Why is it still in his bag? Because the Lord knew that I would need it on December 9th, 2008 at 6:52 PM.

Sam had accidentally picked up that calculator thinking it was his some time last year. He didn’t realize until he got home and he ended up just keeping it in his bag. Precautionary measures I guess. I see this as a divine act of providence from God that He knew a year down the road I would need this and that He would use Sam to provide it for me. The time between my prayer and God’s answer was a whopping thirty seconds. That was amazing.

So I tell you, pray about everything – big or small, important or trivial – God hears and answers in His time and His will in His ways. We can’t understand the way He answers as “His ways are higher than our ways” and “His thoughts are higher than our thoughts” but though we can’t understand, we have to believe. Though we can’t see the final outcome, faith is believing in what is unseen and trusting the Lord has things under control when it seems like thing’s aren’t. If you haven’t seen God’s answer yet…keep praying fervently and in humility and ask Him to open up your eyes to see when He DOES answer you…because He will.

And rest assured, none of this scrambling-for-calculator-before-death-exam business went to waste. I used the calculator…on the very first question.