As another year passes by, I felt it appropriate to share my thoughts on the concept of time and how I’ve recently seen two sides of the same coin. These concepts originally appeared to be opposites but upon deeper reflection they point towards the same thing. Thus, instead of “paradox,” I felt that “parallax” was a better way to describe the reconciliation of these seemingly opposing concepts of time. The first has to do with the fabrication of the idea of time itself and the second with its application.

The Fabrication of Time

What is time? Who decided to allot twenty-four “hours” to a “day” and for that matter, who decided when to start counting anyway? I view time as part of our collective imagination created as a means to help society operate and to quantify our lives; it is fabricated but also functional. For example, it is most definitely more efficient to say, “meet me there at four o’clock,” than it is to say “meet me there then.” “When?” “Then. And what does ‘when’ mean anyway?”

When we view time as a fabrication we come to realize that it is a finite creation of the human mind with a beginning and an end. Humans have beginnings and ends and thus the time allotted them also. If there were no one left alive that would effectively be the end of time. If time is created by humans there ought to be something infinitely greater for an infinite God to exist in; that is eternity. In light of eternity and God, we come to realize that the time we so desperately try to maximize is in fact so miniscule. What is another year gone by when eternity awaits us? Since we do not know when our time will meet eternity, we ought to number our days (Psalm 90:12) and learn to use the finite to seek the infinite. Time for each person is so short that we ought not count our blessings by the years but by the seconds. We must not take for granted to be alive one moment and still alive the next.

When we take all this seriously, the juxtaposition of the two is simply overwhelming. We are but a vapour, here today and gone tomorrow and we leave no mark on eternity. We may have our names written down in history books for generations but even those fade will away at the end of time. Time is almost meaningless in the context of eternity. Almost. It is not entirely meaningless because what vapour of a life we do have and what limited quantity of breath fills our lungs can be used to count for something in eternity. In other words, the bleak reality of time’s finitude should point us towards how we can access eternity and that is through Christ and making our lives count for Him (John 3:16, 1 Corinthians 9:25). Here the concept of the fabrication of time reveals how miniscule and trivial it truly is unless it is causes us to think of eternity and subsequently pursue the Eternal One.

The Application of Time

As mentioned above, the other side of the coin called “time” lies in its application. I originally thought that the fabrication and the application of time were opposite because in the fabrication of time, we recognize it is but a construct of our imagination – small and finite with a bleak reality. But in the application of it, it is prioritized, celebrated and used as if it had no end. In its application, we have all felt cheated when our time was not a priority to someone else when theirs was for us. In its application, many of us celebrate the dawning of a new year with the establishment of resolutions and dreams as if we are guaranteed the whole year to realize them. We praise time as it gives us new chances, new experiences, resolves hurts and lets us grow. Inasmuch as the application of time is concerned, the reality is not bleak but hopeful and expectant.

Up until a few days ago I had only viewed the concept of time in the aspect of its fabrication and how its finite nature leads us to thinking about eternity and the infinite God. However, recently I have been learning that the application of time can also lead us to think of eternity and seek God. This is the parallax of time: that regardless if we view time as finite and bleak or if we celebrate and prioritize it, we should still come to the common focus that is God.

Despite how small and finite time is, God chooses to work within it for our sake because that is the only way we can work. In the framework of time, he creates past, present and future as landmarks for us to use to see Him work. Time is applied in this way to show us many things about Him – for example, the past revealing much about His creative workings, the present becoming past revealing much about His daily provisions and the future becoming present revealing much about His sovereignty over all things. Great as all of this may be, we can only truly see, apply and celebrate time this way if we know Christ.

For the Christian, the application of time is of utmost importance to maintaining our gratitude and hope, magnifying Him in worship and motivating us out of passivity. God intends for us to apply the fabricated concept of time in order to establish landmarks in our lives where we can remember His past faithfulness and respond in gratitude. In our past He shows us the sinful man we were and makes us see our transformation in Christ as we celebrate a present life of freedom (1 Corinthians 5:17). He gives us hope for his future return when He makes all things new (Revelations 21:5). He renews his mercies for us daily that we might have something to praise Him for in every present moment (Lamentations 3:22-23). He tells us there is a time for everything – that it can be applied for rest and for action (Ecclesiastes 3). And there are still more references to the application of time with the purpose of pointing our attention to God and living for Him.

The Parallax of Time

I am not sure what concepts of time you subscribe to whether the fabrication of time, its application, both, neither or other, but I hope that in the last few paragraphs I was able to make clear that any concept is worthless if Christ does not rule in your life and over your time. Without Christ, acknowledging the finitude of time stirs up hopelessness knowing that eternity will swallow us up. Likewise, the application of time without Christ leads us on frivolous pursuits ending in nothingness when eternity strikes. The focus of that parallax is simply dissolution. However, with Christ, we can make what finite time we have count for eternity and apply it in such a way that it provides us a deeper understanding of Him; the focus of this parallax is God. As this year begins to unfold may we seek Him as God over our time and strive to live as so until we stand at eternity’s shores.

The world of medical academia is a dark place.

That might sound like an odd thing to say; after all, physicians are trained for the benefit of society and promotion of health and life. There are so many opportunities for doctors to positively influence patients, hear their stories, provide emotional support and perhaps be the first to incite the feeling that somebody actually cares for them. Medical practitioners recognize that the health of a patient goes beyond the individual and involves the community and thus advocate for policies and awareness programs to protect patients from harm and sickness. To be sure, much good is being done by the medical community to ensure the well being of humanity.

However, I say it is a dark place because it is still a realm where Jesus does not reign supreme. Let’s back track a bit and look at the bigger picture.

Darkness reigns in places where Christ, the Light of the World, is not given the reins of control. Who, then, is in control if not us feeble, fragile and foolish humans? In our limited wisdom and strength, we try to push society towards better cooperation, peaceful resolutions of conflict and the axiom of tolerance. We do all this while ignorant that many problems are not rooted in the corruption of society but rather the corruption of humanity. The issue is the degenerate nature of our very hearts because of the curse of sin from Adam’s time. We are caught in moral entropy and nothing we do to promote good in society, no matter what seemingly wise and prudent methods we choose, we are bound for disorder. A clear example of this is the idea of “relative truth” which has so set itself in the minds of post-modern contemporaries. This concept makes it acceptable for the murderer to take his victim because to him, it is not wrong to kill; let’s not even discuss Hitler. We have simply fallen short of the glory of God and there is no undertaking by our own efforts that will ever restore us to perfection.

I was sitting in a lecture on sexual assault the other day and watched a short video of some victims recalling their heart-wrenching experiences. Immediately after these stories, I heard whispers arise around the class. There was unanimous disgust for the assailants and compassion for the victims. I could also feel a unanimous sense of vulnerability among the students; no one is immune to the darkness of society.  Indeed those are proper responses and not surprisingly, ones that charge the medical community to put forth their best efforts in caring for the physical, emotional and mental needs of the victims. Awareness programs and movements are formed to combat the perpetrators and bring justice to the situation. While these efforts are certainly admirable and essential in the fight, they will never succeed in righting the darkness in society because they cannot right the darkness in humanity. If only doctors, whose role is to promote life, would preach Jesus, the Giver of Life. Only He can shed light on the darkness of humanity because He took the darkness with Him on the cross when He died for us. If we want to see people living full lives, we ought to lead them to the one that gave it to them in the first place. He can break this spiral of moral entropy. He can move humans towards loving each other, forgiving each other and protecting each other. When humanity is changed, society will be as well.

Medical academia is a dark place because Jesus is not in control but we are. We teach our developing doctors that the solution to human suffering lies in our own virtuous efforts and ideas. Somehow we believe that we can better promote health if we can only listen more, express better empathy, find more cures and determine the implications and applications of social determinants of health. It’s always about what we do (and believe me, we are accomplished  achievers), and not about what Jesus can do. It is the tyranny of “self” that blinds us to the glorious work of Jesus on the cross. What He accomplished there sets us free from having to make humanity right with our own efforts and wisdom. Through faith in Him, we are no longer slaves to trying to earn righteousness, of which the lack thereof accentuates our imperfection and creates a void insatiable by anything that is not God. Righteousness is simply bestowed unto us as we take upon His life and are given His Spirit to live it out. Righteousness comes by faith because it is accepting the reality that “He who knew no sin became sin for us, so that [by faith] in Him we might become the righteousness of God” (2 Corinthians 5:21). Righteousness in humanity means righteousness in society. Since there are so many social aspects influencing health there is bound to be promotion of health as a result. The solution is not more of us, but more of Him.

If only we taught our doctors that even more important than the rehabilitation and remediation of physical health is the regeneration of spiritual life. If only medical academia set Jesus on the throne and let the Great Physician be our guide to giving the best holistic care we can give to our patients. It was no coincidence that he, who healed a woman of her longtime haemorrhaging, also made an implicit point to tell her that her sins were forgiven (Luke 8). We would do well to do our best to heal our patients of their physical ailments while directing their attention to the One who can heal their spiritual ailment. We would do well to let the light of Christ break into the darkness of medical academia and teach us what true health care looks like.

Lately, there’s been a great hullaballoo around the topic of hell and God’s love and there have been multitudes of scholars bantering back and forth about the doctrine. I’m no scholar, but I think I’ll jump on the bandwagon with a few thoughts of my own on unconditional love, justice and hell.

As a quick disclaimer, the following thoughts are my own reflections conglomerated with inspirations from A.W. Tozer’s “The Knowledge of the Holy” as well as Dr. R.C. Sproul’s article on hell. I highly recommend reading both.

It’s interesting that we often hear of God’s love being unconditional but that there seems to be a disconnect with what we feel. We get the feeling that God’s love is conditional and it depends on whether we obey or not that He would continue to bless us. Take 1 Kings 9 for example: Solomon had just finished building the temple and asked God to have his blessing on it and through it bless the people. God indeed consecrates it and says He will maintain and establish the kingdom if they walk in His ways but if they don’t, He will cut them off and remove the blessing from the temple. That’s conditional love isn’t it?

I’d like to point out the first flaw in much of our thinking (mine included). We synonymously categorize God’s character with his blessing – they are not the same. When God allowed Job to receive curse after curse from Satan, was His character compromised? Or when in Ecclesiastes, Solomon recounts how even the wickedest of men still receive long life – does that defame His holy character? No. Blessings do not equal God’s love and they certainly do not equal God. Job questions God’s justice (another of His character traits) near the end of the book of Job only to have God rebuke him. God asks Job if he knows the intricacies of life, creation and the universe and when Job remains speechless, God simply asserts that if he couldn’t understand these things, he would definitely have no way to understand the way God works. Indeed, Job says, “Surely I spoke of things I did not understand, things too wonderful for me to know.” (Job 42:3b – ESV) We cannot equate the way God works with His blessings with His love for us. They may coincide sometimes, but they are not identical.

With that premise, God’s love is unconditional – it does not depend on whether we obey him or not. If we obey Him and show Him out of love we want to honour and glorify Him, of course He would love us. And if we do not obey Him … well, Romans 5:8 says that “… God demonstrated His own love for us in this: that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” In both circumstances, God loved us, be us friends or enemies of the Most High.

See, it’s not that He’s set out conditions for us to merit His love; it is our own imperfection that created the idea of conditional love. To God, there is no such thing as a condition – He is who He is with all His characteristics unchanging in the milieu of changing scenarios and circumstances. We create the idea of conditions because we live in a graceless world where things are merit-based. Us imperfect beings cannot fathom the vastness of His love – that He would love His enemies unto death. As a result of our incomplete  picture of love, we operate in the realms of conditions and we come to the conclusion that unconditional love doesn’t exist. Loving our enemies is a foreign thought. [On a side note, this is why Christianity is not a religion but rather a redemptive relationship with God. Other religions emphasize our role in doing or achieving something that would merit the attention of God or the cosmos. In Christianity, there is only undeserved love, grace and forgiveness bestowed to the thankful sinner.]

But the great paradox is this – that God’s love would manifest itself against evil in the form of judgement. In other words, we think His love is conditional because He punishes evil. How can justice and love coexist? To ask this question is to reveal yet  another flaw in our thinking, that discipline shows a lack of love. However, it is quite the opposite – both Hebrews 12:6 and Proverbs 3:12 say that the Lord disciplines those He loves. What we need to understand is that the nature of love is an unrelenting desire to see beneficence follow the loved one.

Tozer explains it quite well by quoting 1 John 4:18 “There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear.” He writes, “Love wills the good of all and never wills harm or evil to any … Fear is the painful emotion that arises at the thought that we may be harmed or made to suffer. This fear persists while we are subject to the will of someone who does not desire  our well-being. The moment we come under the protection of one of good will, fear is cast out.” As 1 Corinthians 13, one of the most well-known passages on love says, “…It is not self-seeking .. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” Love shows itself as good will.

When the Lord sees sin, He does not trade love for justice as if He could only act out one or the other. In love, He exacts justice that we would know that His love desires the best for us and that the sin being judged is not the best for us. As a loving Father, He disciplines the children He loves, so that we can live according to His will which is the best way we can live. God’s love is unconditional but the way it is expressed is not in ways we tend to understand it.

Seeing that it’s Easter Sunday, it can only be but appropriate and deserving to speak of Jesus’ sacrifice. On that cross mingled love and justice. God’s wrath was satisfied and He showed us what true love looked like. He exacted justice on His son (who, is the only one through which justice would result in saving grace) out of love for us. His love for us is unconditional and Jesus paid the price for us because of that very fact. Because God so loved the world despite its blatant rebellion against Him, Jesus had to die in order that we could come to a working knowledge of that love and respond in worship and reverence. If His love was conditional, there would have been no way for us to reach heaven’s pearly gates let alone stand in His presence blameless. If He only loved those who loved Him, there would be none found on this earth who could meet this criterion.

So why do people still go to hell even though God’s love is unconditional? The third flaw that we often have is that we think that unconditional love means nobody will be sent to eternal punishment. Hell is a very real place and we have no idea what it’s really like, but from all that Jesus says about it, it cannot be anything but utter despair and torment. Is it loving then to send people there? Well firstly I would surmise that the people in hell have understood the unconditional love of God (in the form of the gospel) but have still chosen to reject it. In other words – they have heard the gospel and have made a choice to believe in the lie that this love was too ludicrous and that their idea of merit-based love was better. By this, and I may be way off the mark, I mean that it’s not God who actively places them in hell but their rejection of His unconditional love that does so. Moreover, if we take the model of love expressing itself in justice towards the loved, then hell is a place where that is manifested to show the tormented their real brokenness. It is God’s love expressing its wrath against all that makes his loved ones unclean.

So am I suggesting that at some point, these people would have experienced enough of God’s love and justice that they realize their brokenness, repent and go from hell to heaven? No. As Dr. R.C. Sproul writes, “The ungodly want nothing more than to be separated from God. Their problem in hell will not be separation from God, it will be the presence of God that will torment them. In hell, God will be present in the fullness of His divine wrath. He will be there to exercise His just punishment of the damned. They will know Him as an all-consuming fire.” What I am suggesting is that these people who have chosen to reject the gospel will repeatedly reject the gospel in hell because they can only see the wrath of God’s love. They want to escape Him and their hate for Him will increase because the same pride that caused them to reject the gospel of love the first time continues to cause them to reject the love of God for eternity.

Whether my thoughts are as accurate as they should be, the truth remains that hell is real, eternal and where God’s wrath exists. Dr. Sproul’s final words on his article about hell are a good reminder: “Understanding this is crucial to our drive to appreciate the work of Christ and to preach His gospel.”

As we celebrate the resurrection of Christ this morn, may we move forward certain of the truth in the gospel. That by grace through faith, we can experience God’s unconditional love, justice fulfilled and hell dissolve away from our eternity.

I wish I was there in that moment. Man, woman and beast alike staring up into the unquenchable flame, awestruck and speechless. I wonder if I’d ever forget such a sight; I wonder if that memoir would be etched in my mind everyday, keeping me humble, in terror and in fear. And to think…that this wasn’t even God. This is His glory, and even about His glory, it could only be described “like” a devouring fire. There are no words to describe His glory, let alone Himself.

I’ve been reading a book by A.W. Tozer called “Knowledge of the Holy” and it begins with talking about just that. The reality of God’s divinity. It is indescribable, unattainable and utterly terrifying but so magnetic and wondrous, beckoning a rightful response in humility. Tozer emphasizes that the thoughts of God are the deepest thoughts of any man exactly because we try to rationalize an infinite God with finite minds. He reminds us that even with all we know and can understand of Him, which in itself is by His grace, we are barely scratching the tip of the iceberg. Again, we can only describe what God is like, not what He is because that is for Him to know and reveal. And thankfully, reveal he does.

In revealing Jesus, He lets us see a glimpse of who He is.  No wonder the whole Old Testament prophesied about him and the whole New Testament validated him. Most recently I stumbled on the passage in John 11 where Jesus raises Lazarus from the dead. Before he does so, Mary rushes to him weeping and says that Lazarus would not have died if Jesus were there. He is deeply moved and troubled by Lazarus’ death and in the powerful two-word verse, “Jesus wept,” he shows us one aspect of God: unrelenting compassion. The God of the universe in the body of a human in all his omnipotence weeps for the death of man. He wept over death because death is the wages of sin and sin is the wages of irreverence (Rom. 6:23; Isa. 14:13-15). He never wanted us to be far from knowing Him, but sin separated us and cast us into exile.

However, that he would weep, gives me hope that though God is so transcendent, He still longs to be near. In fact, Jesus’ very existence made a way for us to experience God the way Moses did on the mountain. God’s revelation of Himself  through Jesus not only demands our realization of morality, finitude and depravity but more so our repentance, reverence and worship.

Back at the foot of the mountain, the glory of God imprinted on my mind, I now wonder how my life would be transformed. Sadly, if you read even just a few chapters down the road, the Israelites become impatient waiting for Moses on the mountain. They ask Aaron to make them a golden calf so they can worship it. Did they forget about the cloud, the way He called out from it or the devouring fire that was His glory? How did they become so irreverent? And to bring it home…am I any different?

This is a daily challenge I’ve been dealing with more in the last phase of my life. As I come to understand more of His character, the aspect that keeps standing out is His transcendence. In light of this, I admit to having many idols and that I paid homage to fake gods; they sat on God’s rightful throne in my heart. But praise God that His glory is a devouring fire and that He is a consuming fire (Heb. 12:29) because I cannot rid these idols on my own. The only way to fight irreverence is allowing His glory to painfully, but thoroughly burn our idols. And when all is said and done, only His glory will remain and lest we fall into idolatry again, we must respond rightfully in reverence. Only then will we know Him and only then can we be near Him; let Him be a consuming fire for you today.

Over my more recent experiences and thoughts, I was convinced that I am quite the bigot. Now “bigotry” is defined as having intolerance to those who have differing views (of a particular topic) from those of yourself. OK, fine. I might not be intolerant, but I was most definitely judgmental. OK, fine … I was not only judgmental, but I was judgmental in ignorance. Let me explain.

Just last week, I invited my friend to a debate between an atheist and Christian on the origin of morality and he declined. That he declined, I understand and respect his decision. However, what got me thinking was why he would decline. To my inquiry, he replied that he had already researched and heard arguments from both sides, and knowing his propensity towards research and critical appraisal, I believe he did his homework. He continued, saying that after all the debates he heard, he was convinced that atheism explains morality quite well from an evolutionary standpoint and that he’s accepted that as his explanation. To top it off, he very frankly told me that he would be willing to challenge any Christian to a debate.

This, obviously, is scary. It got me thinking about what I believe in and why I believed in it. I began asking myself, “How much of my faith is cultural/from my upbringing?” I had to admit that I viewed everything using a Christian lens without having tried comprehending how atheists or other religions view certain issues, such as the origin morality. I, of course, don’t mean to say that there is more than one truth. Rather, from all of the competing worldviews, I deem it important to appraise which one is logical on all accounts, save the elusive but very important topic of faith, which by nature is not entirely logical. I am not planning to attend an Islam worship ceremony or try praying to millions of Hindu gods or read every evolutionary theory out there. However, I realize how important it is to have a knowledge of these things and to wrestle with the truth of God with respect to these things. Otherwise, how can I stand before others claiming that Jesus is the only way, when He was the only way I’ve ever cared to know?

I realized that just as I can easily attend an atheist/Christian debate and still come out of it a Christian, he could do the same with regards to atheism. Actually, that result would be entirely fine … as long as we were not being bigots the whole time. In other words, unless I examine the opposing arguments thoughtfully and sincerely, I should not dismiss them. Until I’ve reasoned them through with God’s truth as my basis for understanding, I have no reason to discredit what another view says. I  see no other way (save my opinion presented in the very last paragraph) to be a good witness to someone like my friend, who took the time and effort to examine both sides and choose one. On another note, it is truthfully scary that an intelligible fellow like himself can read God’s truth and still arrive at atheism as a plausible viewpoint. At the very least, this tells me that they have some convincing arguments; but thankfully, convincing doesn’t equal true. However, convincing does equal sensical (at least on the surface) and most people want sensical before they can admit to believing that an argument is true.

It would be nice if non-sensical things like miracles would blow away any remaining doubt that there is indeed a God. However, I have, for simplicity sake, excluded the component of miracles though I sincerely believe they happen. Even if I included them, the naturalist may still disregard them claiming them to be the product of luck or magic. This is because God’s wisdom and truths are folly to man; I can understand why things like miracles are obscured for the naturalist. But I also don’t believe that simply saying that a naturalist wouldn’t understand spiritual truths is reason to write-off other’s arguments. I think those arguments need addressing, probing and wrestling; they should be examined for truth according to God’s Word, if you should claim to be a Christian.

I admit that my faith was largely influenced by cultural factors and my upbringing. However, I think that it is important to break away from those components and to take a more critical approach to examining your faith. I wonder if I were born in a Muslim country to Muslim parents, if I would be Muslim simply because of my culture and family. Surely, God can easily save a Muslim individual (at which point, he wouldn’t be a Muslim anymore), but I mean the starting place would still have been that he was a Muslim because he was in a Muslim country born to a Muslim family. My question then is, “Am I Christian simply because I was raised in a “Christian culture” or from a Christian family?” Or have I truly made a choice for myself with all my intellect assenting to the truth of God, including accepting that Jesus died for my sins?

Right now, I truly believe that I have reasonably made a choice for myself, and that it is not because of culture or my family that I am a practicing Christian (although they have played an important role in getting me where I am today). I admit to taking ownership of my faith and that this is what I chose. Now, the more important thing is with what I’ve chosen, how does it stand up against all the other things out there? Is there reason to continue in my faith? Because if there is, there’s also reason to share it and more motivation to be a good witness. I am not looking for an answer to every question; that would be a striving after the wind. I am looking to give a good defense of my faith, having understood and wrestled with opposing thoughts and having come to the conclusion that God’s truth is the best answer. And so what about all of the questions I cannot answer? In some ways, that’s a good thing; it reminds me of the integral component of faith and the humbling reminder that I am finite and my intellect and reasoning are finite. In some ways, subscribing to God being God means you’re going to be left with things you can’t understand – and you better believe I’m OK with that.

I guess the last thing to address is the disclaimer to all of this. I think being able to give a good defense is only one aspect of being a good witness. In fact, it is the minor aspect when compared to the larger aspect of giving good offense. I’m referring to two offenses here – one being the offense of truth and the other the offense of love. As for the offense of truth, 1 Peter makes it clear that Christ was sent as a stumbling block to those who rejected Him. The fact that he came and that He is the embodiment of truth, love and salvation means that no one has an excuse to decline the gift of eternal life and restoration from Him. It is an offense to people who don’t believe because a rejection of faith in Christ automatically spells out condemnation. Now with the offense of love, I’m referring to Proverbs 25 and Romans 12 where the writers talk about doing good and showing love to those who hate you. By doing so, you “heap hot coals on their head” making them question why you are the way you are, ultimately pointing them to the restorative power of Jesus’ propitiation for our sins. This kind of offense, I feel, is the best kind of witness. It’s Jesus shining through you…what else could be better?

So even though this entry is focussed on giving a good defense of faith, I still want to give emphasis to the importance of relying on the Holy Spirit to live a life full of offensive truth and offensive love. My hope is that we can be complete witnesses for God, abiding in the Spirit for our offenses and avoiding bigotry in our defense.

I hope this post doesn’t get too long…but it seems all of my posts get long. Maybe I should learn to be more concise but then again, I need to be elaborate if I’m going to get a point across. In any case, I digress.

One of the things I’ve been learning lately is the importance of preaching the gospel not just to others but to yourself. The daily reminder that we are redeemed by His blood on the cross is something to be thankful for and should spur us on to lead godly lives. And of course, redemption needs a target: sin. Friends, it’s time return to the basics and examine sin and why we so often fall back into it even after experiencing the wonderful forgiveness of our Lord. For those of you who struggle and fight for godliness, you know what I’m talking about. For those who ask God to “search my heart” just as David did, you know what I’m talking about. Just because we are washed clean by God’s grace and love doesn’t mean that we’ve attained perfection. In fact, we often find ourselves doing what we ought not do and not do what we ought to do. Paul knew what I’m talking about (or rather, I know what he’s talking about). So begins a cycle…of sin. What is this cycle of sin? Actaully, how did we even get there? And more importantly, how do we get out?!

Well, let’s look at a classic example of the corruption of sin. 1 Kings 11 outlines the sin of Solomon and his decline as the king of Israel. People often refer to David as the king with a whole heart for God and Solomon as the king with half a heart for God. I don’t believe this is accurate, as we are only hot or cold; Solomon ended his reign with no heart for God. How did Solomon, the wisest man to ever live, end up there? Wasn’t he supposed to know how to live life fully? I think he did, but in folly, he made one vital mistake along the way: he never confessed his sin.

The beginning of the cycle is slow accumulation of unconfessed sin. By this, I mean we acknowledge our shortcoming but choose to do nothing. If you read the first ten chapters of 1 Kings, you will see the ways Solomon deliberately sinned against the Lord. He knew the laws in Deuteronomy and what he had to live by and yet he chose to disobey. His acquired horses from foreign countries, accumulation of wealth, prioritizing the building of his own house before the Lord’s temple and interracial marriages are all breaches of the standard God set for him. And never once did it mention Solomon asking God to “create in me a clean heart and renew a right spirit within me,” as his father David did in Psalm 51. And so it sat there undisturbed, rotting and perpetuating a cycle.

The first step of this cycle is the root of the problem. Sin creates a perversion of love. 1 Kings 11:1 tells us that Solomon loved his foreign wives with the same love (Hb. ‘ahab) as he loved the Lord. Solomon lost it here: the fundamental truth is that we cannot say we truly love God if we love something else with the same love that we love God. Loving God needs to be exclusive and unparalleled; He is jealous for us. But sin told him or rather tricked him into thinking that we can love things and God with the same love. And since we cannot serve two masters, Solomon was really serving himself. His desires were shifted towards self-gratification and a longing to please his wives (by building temples and Asherims) and not please God (by disobeying the first commandment). So let’s move from the root of the problem and onto the part I call the relapse.

In the relapse, sin creates a craving or dependency on temporal pleasures that ultimately result in dissatisfaction. From verse 3 of 1 Kings 11, we find out that Solomon had a lot of wives, and I mean a lot. Was this guy bored or what? Does he need that many? Most definitely not. What happened was most probably that the unresolved sin in his life began to create a craving for fulfillment in everything that was not God…and naturally he would find none, so he’d try to find it again and again in each new woman only to come up empty every time. Verse 2 of 1 Kings 11 also tells us that “Solomon clung to these [his wives]  in love.” He clung. He was addicted. Again the root of the problem was that his idea of love had been perverted so that he saw no problem with loving himself and God equally. The natural outflow from this perversion is the relapse into sin to fulfill our desire of self-gratification. And this brings us to the result.

The result of unconfessed sin, a perversion of love and an addiction to self-gratification is spiritual insensitivity or blindness. Soon, as this cycle perpetuates, we become numb to the Holy Spirit’s conviction. 1 Kings 11:3-4 tells us that Solomon’s foreign wives turned his heart away from the Lord. The word “turn” is interesting because it’s the same “turn” we use for repentance signifying a 180-degree turn from our sin to obeying our loving Saviour. Solomon turned 180-degrees from seeing God in all His splendour and goodness  to worshiping the dull and worthless gods of his many wives. It was as if his back was towards God, ignoring all of His commands and pleas to submit in humility and holiness.  At this point, he was unlike his father David who knew the depravity of his own heart and his need to be pure and holy before God. And so, the result of the cycle of sin is that we are driven more deeply into spiritual numbness and the Holy Spirit’s voice begins to dwindle.

So that is how the cycle begins and perpetuates. But if in the end we’re insensitive to his Spirit…what hope is there? How will we ever break free? My answer to this is simple: God’s grace. During our moments of blindness, God still demonstrates His love for us by sending people to rebuke us or allowing us to hear the gospel again in some form or way. He hits us with truths and heals us of blindness. In other words, He continually reaches out to us and will stir our spirits time to time pleading for us to return to Him. Why? Because He is a jealous God. If it weren’t for His nature of unconditional love, I doubt we’d ever be free of spiritual numbness. So the next time you find yourself in a cycle of sin, be aware of the truth that God is still reaching, still pleading, still watching for you…because even if you are a long way off, like a father to his prodigal son, He will come running to embrace you and welcome you home.

Her longing eyes looked forward into his nothingness: concerned, caring and compassionate. A flicker of grace showered onto her from above moved her to turn the car around and approach him. Warm in her jacket, standing tall in her well-fashioned clothing, the dichotomy in socioeconomic class was tangible, astounding. She asks him where he’s headed, he remains silent. Yet again she asks, the compassion in her heart persistent and strong, and he tells her his destination. She knows his plight and she knows the solution. She cannot be blind to this.

“Do you have a place to sleep?” “Yes.” “Don’t you dare lie to me.”

He reluctantly follows her into the car where the rest of the family sits patiently, in awe at what had taken hold of her and what had taken place. And thus begins a beautiful story of love, compassion and the incarnation of Jesus’ immortal words: “Whatever you do unto the least of these brothers, you do for me.”

I was excited to write a post about this movie, “The Blind Side,” because I knew I would only have good things to say. I’m not a movie critic, so spare me the talk on being critical with film. My heart lay in a wretched state as I shared his desperation, but it was rescued by her counter hegemonic action. I wondered what I was doing for those around me who were, just like Michael. I may not have the great fortune of the Tuohys, but surely, the God who provides for me, has provided in abundance to share with those around. Surely, giving is better than receiving and surely, I cannot turn a blind eye to this. The best part of this movie, was to know it was based on a true story; to know somebody took Jesus seriously when he talked about clothing the unclothed or feeding the hungry.

There were many lines in the movie that warmed my heart. They may have been said in more than ideal situations, but nevertheless, they were truths resounding in my mind. At one scene, Mrs. Tuohy is sitting at her country club lunch table with several other housewives. They discuss her recent interactions with Michael and make the point that she’s done much to change his life. She says, he’s changed hers.

And that’s the thing with giving and compassion. I’ve experienced this multiple times, such as at Camp Trillium, when you go to give, to better the lives of those around you, and well you do. But more often than not, we come away with the peace and joy of having done God’s will in “doing the least to these brothers.” Am I talking about some feel-good formula for happiness? No. I’m talking about the joy of being humbled by God, to know that we’ve been of service to the Eternal One. It’s about pleasing God and doing what we were made to do. It’s about watching the Almighty God transform the lives of those around us. It’s about worship and living a life of love that overflows from the inner fountain of the Spirit. It’s about being unblinded to the spiritual reality of His absolute goodness.

So that I don’t overstate myself, I’ll close looking at one last part of the movie. Mrs. Tuohy and her husband are discussing the option of becoming Michael’s legal guardian. “I don’t even know why you’re doing this,” says Mr. Tuohy, still amazed at the changes in his wife. She doesn’t answer, most probably, because a secular movie, wouldn’t dare say the name of Jesus. But let me tell you, when he asked that question, I knew in my heart the answer was and had to be Jesus. The only outflow of love that can change lives is that from the life of Jesus Christ in you. Moreover, that is the only response when you are in right relationship with Him.

So ask God to unblind your eyes to the suffering around you. Ask him to cure you from the blindness that makes you a skeptic about the unchanging love of God that changes those who recieve it. And watch as he uses you to return the ransomed to Him; their deaf ears unstopped and their blind eyes opened (Isaiah 35).

But let us move to this past weekend. Surreal, yes. Not because of wonderful weather or marvelous eats, though it wasn’t shabby at all. In any case, what made this weekend wonderful was the fellowship between myself and God and also with my brothers and sisters. I often wonder what its like to be at other university fellowships and to see how they interact. I wonder if I would hear joyous laughs thunder across the room every two minutes or if I would see the tears of forgiveness and reconciliation. I wonder if I would taste and know that the Lord is good in those fellowships as I’ve tasted and known that He was and is and will be good to us. I wonder if I would see God touch lives as He’s touched them this weekend. Mostly I wonder if the fragrance of the Holy Spirit would fill each room and person, rendering our sense of smell but numb to the things of the world and honed in on His wonderful scent.

I don’t say these things to exalt Asian Christian Fellowship (ACF) above any other fellowship. Rather, I say these things as a testament of His faithfulness, as I’ve seen the fruit of the believers’ faithfulness in ACF manifest itself in the things listed above. I know each fellowship has its own dynamic, but some things are for certain: God must be vibrantly communicating with your fellowship in order to witness unity, joy and peace; His life and word must be abiding in you.

And thus brings us to this divine conversation where God speaks and we listen, where we wait upon Him without presuppositions of our own and actually hear Him speak.

Sometimes we ask God speak to us, but we don’t seem to hear anything. Sometimes we question if prayer is really divine conversation or whether we are in fact lunatics speaking into thin air. God showed me some things about why we may not hear His voice, let alone listen to it. I was enlightened by the Spirit on Saturday morning as I was doing a devotional out of Oswald Chambers’ “My Utmost for His Highest.” The story was from 1 Samuel 3 and it described the instance God called him to hear a prophecy against Eli.

The first thing I noticed, was that Samuel didn’t hear God the first time, or well he did, and mistook it for Eli. In verse 7, it tells us that Samuel had not yet known the Lord (he did not have a personal relationship with Him), whereas in verses 8 and 9, Eli knew it was God calling Samuel, and instructed Samuel on how to respond. How on earth did Eli know God was speaking? He had been in communion with the Lord before, had developed spiritual sensitivity to the things of God and was in expectancy for God to speak at all times. In other words, he was always waiting upon God to speak; there was never a moment that He didn’t believe God actually wanted to communicate with us. Particular to note, is that this is before us humans were given the Holy Spirit, and given the direct access to speak and hear from God at anytime. Do we really have the spiritual sensitivity and expectancy that God wants to hold up His end of this divine conversation with us?

The second thing to note is that in verse 10, Samuel responds to God by saying “Speak, for your servant hears.” He tells God to speak, as if to invite God intentionally to lay down His word right then and there. Samuel came with a willing heart to listen. He sets himself up such that his ear is poised to catch the small faint whisper of the Lord. Do we intentionally ask God to speak and come with willingness in our hearts to listen?

The third point to observe is also in verse 10, when Samuel makes it clear that he is in fact the servant. How many times do we ask God to answer a prayer with preconditions in mind? How about assumptions that we know what is best for us? Jesus asked, “Is a servant greater than his master?” Well, no. We often approach this divine conversation as if we have an outcome we desire and that by telling God, His response to us would be, “of course you know best child.” It is absurd to approach God with the pride of leaning on our own understanding or ambitions, expecting Him to speak, let alone answer! Do we really humble ourselves, reminded that we are His servants, waiting to hear His word, not the fulfillment of ours?

Finally, we come to one last observation found in verses 17 and 18. For God to continue on in His end of this divine conversation, we need to respond with obedience to the things He’s already said. May it be things He’s said in His word or things He’s said in the past to you. Have you obeyed them? Are you striving to be pure and blameless before the Lord? James 5:16 says that the prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective, not because by being pure he is endowed with wisdom to pray in big words. But its because God knows that you are a genuine servant, praying in His will because His Spirit is abiding in you, and that whatever you are asking for will glorify Him. So he makes it happen. He glorifies himself in powerful and effective ways. In verses 17 and 18, Samuel is charged with the plight of being obedient to God in telling Eli this vision or to hold it back and not offend his superior. I realized that this is a crucial point for Samuel. This is the first time God is meeting with him like this, and it likely determines how God will keep meeting with him. The act of obedience is key here because it is a response to God telling Him that whatever He reveals for us to do, we will follow. It doesn’t make much sense for God to reveal more of His heart and will to you, if you won’t follow it to completion in obedience and surrender. God won’t accomplish His purposes in someone who sees his own face in the mirror and forgets what he looks like when they go away from it (James 1:23-24).

If you’ve survived reading through this long post, I hope you were encouraged somehow. I’ve been taught that what God has taught you is for you to share with others. This divine conversation between us and God must outpour itself in conversation with others – believers (edification in the Word) and non-believers (witnessing).

May we continue to abide in Him and do more listening than speaking in the divine conversation.

The most common question I get these days is: “Are you excited or nervous?” And I often say, “Both.” Perhaps, at this moment, more excited than I am nervous, but that may take an inverse relationship as it nears the date. But, I guess something I need to keep in mind is that really, I have nothing to fear. I don’t say that in a cocky manner and that I’m going to get accepted for sure. I say with confidence that my God is sovereign and has all things planned out – success or failure – so what more do I need to fear or worry about? Now, yes, this sounds easy in principle, but when it comes down to Friday at 8PM am I still going to be saying this knowing that in just 12 hours, I begin an interview that could potentially change the course of my life?

This is a hard-learned lesson from many years and something I still struggle with now, but definitely have more self-control now. I used to worry about my marks and about my MCAT score and about my extracurriculars and leadership involvements and…you name it, everything they want to see when you apply for medicine. As a result, I put a lot of emphasis on the times God came through for me in providing sufficient marks or opportunities along the way, and I gave Him thanks and praise. But something, I have been repeatedly challenged with is this: do I love God’s blessings…or do I love God Himself?

Because if I’m only loving God’s blessings, those times of happiness and celebration will end, and when they do, what am I left with? My vending-machine God. But until I get past that and I begin desiring God in times of blessing or suffering, I’m going to get discouraged and disappointed and ask God why He’s forsaken me, when really, I’ve forsaken Him.

“You give and take away, but my heart choose to say, Lord blessed be Your name” is something I’ve been trying to live by. And with that mindset, I believe we need to shift our focus. This past Sunday, pastor Norm Millar at Harvest Bible Chapel London said a phrase that resounds in my mind: “God doesn’t care much for our happiness, but more so our holiness.” Our shift in focus: happiness to holiness. But doesn’t God want us to be happy? What’s up with that? Sure, times of happiness are a blessing from God, and all good gifts come from the Good Gift Giver, but can we say times of suffering are also a blessing from a Good Gift Giver?

This is why there is so much weight to that statement. Happiness is grounded in circumstance. Holiness is grounded in truth. If we pursue holiness before God in all situations, He fills us with unmatched joy and inexplicable peace. God’s holiness never changes and when we imitate that, as we should, we take an aspect of God that gives us reason and guidance to live by throughout all situations. Allowing holiness to guide our actions and thoughts instead of happiness will allow us to fulfill our purpose in glorifying God. The pursuit of happiness leads to self-centered reasoning, forcing ourselves to put trust in the fragility of humankind; but holiness. Holiness is what allows us to see through God’s eyes.

So medical school. Why all that holiness stuff…what about medical school? The real question is: Why all this medical school stuff…what about holiness? Am I truly pursuing God and desiring to glorify Him in all aspects? Or am I making medicine my idol and pursuing my own happiness to be found in a meager acceptance letter? As I said, I’ve struggled long and hard and have lost the battle to idolatry at times. But for this Saturday, I am choosing holiness. I am pursuing with all my might and strength to trust in a God who doesn’t give a wooden nickel about me getting into medical school in comparison to what I’m doing in my relationship with Him. I’ve done what I could’ve to prepare, and all that’s left now is to give glory to Him.

Of course, what really makes it one of a kind is the people. The staff, the parents and the kids. If there’s one word to sum up my week, it’d be “give.” Why? It’s amazing to see what people can give of themselves to a common cause: increasing the quality of life of kids affected by cancer. Most of the staff are unbelievers and to see them be so selfless in giving up their whole person to this cause really gets me thinking. What am I doing to better the lives of those around me? How am I blessing others with what God has blessed me? If I am rich, do I give to the poor? If I have strength, do I help those who are weak? If I have a healthy, cancer-free body, am I caring for those laden with sickness? In some ways, my experience at Camp Trillium has solidified my passion for pursuing a career in medicine to join in the alleviation of sickness in the ailing.

The staff at Camp Trillium live by an “all for the kids” mindset. If the kid wanted them to jump into the lake with all their clothes on, they do it, not because it’s the smartest thing in the world to do, but because it would bring the kids joy. Could I say the same? Let’s be honest. If they asked me? “Wait…HOLD ON. That means I gotta trudge all the way back to the cabin with wet clothes, change, lay them out to dry and walk all the way back?” Serious?

Throughout the camp I realized that kind of mindset is exactly what inhibits us from giving of ourselves. The idea that I have a certain image to uphold – “I can’t be seen wet with all my clothes on, that looks stupid.” Okay, bad example…but you get the jist. Or okay, well, what’s more is that my 15 minutes of discomfort in wet clothes is more important than the kid’s happy memories. That disgusts me; how could I have thought that? But I guess we always get caught up with ourselves at some point or another…we have to keep breaking free of ourselves to give of ourselves. You can’t give yourself if you’re holding on so tightly to your own comforts or your pride.

As I mentioned earlier, most of the staff were non-believers. Well how about those of us who are believers? Think about the strength, joy, peace and hope we can give those around us through the faith we have in God. The Christian life is about the giving of yourself to the purposes of God – even if it may be bringing joy to a kid by sacrificing your time and energy to just give them a fun week despite their daily chemo treatments. God reminds us that:

“Which of you, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? ¹¹If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him! [Matt 7:9-10]

If non-believers are able to give so much of themselves to these kids, how much more can we give, being blessed by the Giver of good things? And by the way, you can’t receive if your hand is grasped tight on what you have…you have to give away what you have so you can have an open hand to receive more. So let go.